My Views on Suicide

I know what I’m about to say is very controversial. Many will object, and think I’m ‘pro-suicide’. I am not. In 95% of all suicides, or suicide attempts, things can get better, people can overcome the problems in their lives. But I still cannot condone people calling suicide selfish. I just cannot do so. My first reaction is to call those people selfish. It is not completely accurate, as in some cases those people are in great emotional turmoil themselves. But for those who aren’t immediately effected, who don’t know the victim (and yes, I think of the suicidal as victims) well, it’s very selfish type thinking. The biggest reason people list for suicide being selfish is that the act hurts other people. Well the people who are suicidal are hurting just as much when the mental illness wins and kills them. When you call the victim selfish you are placing everyone above the victim, which just justifies many of the common beliefs held by the mentally ill. “Everyone else is better them me”, “I’m worthless”/”I’m worth less than everyone else”/”everyone else is more important than me”, “I need to place everyone first, myself last”. Yes when you call some one selfish you are making it harder for the survives to get help, you are validating their inner demons, their vultures, their insidious voices, the negative voices that make them even sicker, maker it easier to let mental illness win.

Then there is that 5%, which is a made up number btw, who have lived years with their issues, have more bad days then good (if they have any good days), live with flashbacks of the abuse they endured daily for who knows how long. Who have gone through the system multiple times, but have not improved, have tried their hardest, but still cannot get better. I cannot imagine the agony they’ve gone through. I really cannot, I’ve never been that far. I’ve been close, and I’d understand anyone giving up if they dealt with what I did (for the worst 6 months) daily. I could barely get out of bed, or go to work, though no one released it (after +10 years, I guess I was good at hiding it Edit: no, actually my family is just that shit ass sucky that they didn’t think they had a responsibility to get me help). I was living in mental agony. To reiterate, if some one has no hope for recovery, suffers daily agony, and has received years of help, then if they chose to end that in the only¬†guaranteed¬† way, I will not begrudge them. Because they have tried, and no one deserves to live through that agony.

But neither do I begrudge the loved ones, family and friends the pain they feel, the anger they feel, the betrayal. Though, if they knew about it, and did nothing, it’s hard for me to, I will never invalidate another’s pain. They having lost some one to mental illness. It is not a group of illnesses that one can see the effects of, and people over look the signs (or people are really good at hiding them), so it is hard to know when things are “terminal” for them. So the death, or attempt, is often sudden.

once again I’m not “pro-suicide”, but I am pro-understanding. Pro-help. And I’ve been there, though without the suicidal impulses.

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What Mental Illness is to Me Part II

I’ve been struggling to write this. Struggling to figure out what angle to approach it at, how to express my opinions best, with out focusing on only the negative or positive aspects. Mental illness is a very vague term, it covers almost too many terms, diagnoses. I’ve heard people quote that 1/4 people fit the diagnosis criteria for a mental illness. these people often use it to dismiss mental illness. I don’t. I look at it as something that needs to change. That we need to find out how to “cure” and prevent mental illness. To often it’s a life long struggle. But what is it, how do I view it in others? Well, I think it’s often the only area in health where we can look at a person’s life and say that it’s not random that they got it, since most people I’ve talked to about mental illness were abused before they developed the issues they have. though this is probably not the case for things like schizophrenia, or psychopaths. but the mood disorders (depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc), or personality disorders (DID, OCD) are often the sign of abuse in the person’s life. There are also distinct ways of dealing with mental illness, often affected by any abuse that has happened. there is those in denial of their issues (my mother has been so for over 20 years), there is “anxiety denial” (don’t think you deserve to be help, difference is you know you need it, but are afraid to get help, rather then just denying the issues). There are those who have sought help, but can’t move forward. there are those who’s issues are so large that they probably will never be able to manage a regular life, no matter the treatment they get, due to their abuse, or illnesses. And I don’t think “normal” society is quite ready to accept the last one yet. Because no normal person has dealt with the issues most, if not all mentally ill people have faced. So what is mental illness to me, well it’s a divider. What do I think about most mentally ill people, I think they are very strong people, and I look up to them for that, I could never have survived the stories I’ve heard, which they must live with.

I only wish I could do something, that society was more willing to do something, to help those who struggle with their mental illness. To help those who would develop a mental illness. Because, as I see it, society blames the victims, anyone really, who develop mental illness, as if it’s their fault, a personality fault, rather then what it is, a life changing illness. like asthma, or cancer.