Dealing With Your Baggage

Dealing With Your Baggage.


The treatment of mental illness

Okay, so today I want to talk about what I think is one of the biggest problems within the mental health field. The idea that once the symptoms stop interfering with a person they are cured (recovered, etc). I frequently discuss and read information regarding mental illness, and other things which semi-relate to mental illness, and often the key factor is something like “causes sever emotional distress”, or ” interferes on ability to function”. Well that’s good and all for a diagnosis, since some things are hard for a layman to separate something like asexuality, with one of the “lack of sexual desire/libido or attraction” syndromes/disorders. (Yes, I’ve had many people try to tell me that I’m not asexual/aromantic, I’m mentally ill.). Even still, I’ve heard about people who’ve learned to manage probable ADHD, they literally fit the diagnosis. The only reason they don’t get the diagnosis is because of that one little criteria (causes emotional distress, or harms ability to function). Or people with eating disorders. they have to be so severely underweight to get the diagnosis that I find it ridiculous. Truthfully, In my (uneducated) opinion, they need to get rid of the weight requirement, because the other symptoms are bad enough, with the weight requirement it’s like the people who set that requirement didn’t realizes that it’d be easier to treat people earlier before they were that set in the mind set. Yes I do know that there is the unspecified eating disorder, or something like that. but people deserve to get the right diagnosis the right treatment for their condition. they don’t deserve to be told “well, in spite of meeting all the symptoms you can’t get diagnosed since it’s not affecting your life enough.”

I think that mental illness is like cancer or asthma. It can be simple, or hard to treat, depending on when it’s caught, what type of disorder it it, and how sever it is. I think we need diagnosis categories that reflect that. How about Chronic Depression disorder, which similar to bipolar depression, lasts most, or all of your life, where your depression doesn’t sit at one constant level, but fluctuates. I know there is Dysthymia, but that’s long term minor depression, and doesn’t account for long term ,or frequent re-occurrence of major depressive episodes. I know that the people who fit this diagnosis get diagnosed with major depressive disorder. But I think that people who continue to relapse into depression deserve to have that recognized, because to me, it’s only logical to assume that there is something different from them, either chemically, or in their environment, etc (Who knows what it could be) that causes them to relapse, and that their treatment should reflect that, compared to the person who only ever has one major depressive episode.

There also needs to be a new “Standardized Questionnaires”. The one I was given was not accurate for me, I mean it was partially accurate, but some of the questions I had to say no difference, because I had nothing to compare it with, and it was asking about a two week time period. I’ve been depressed for half my life now, usually at the Dysthymia level, with a few MDE’s thrown in the for ‘fun’ (on a self diagnosis, reflection bias). Any question like “do you feel less interest in things that you used to enjoy” is going to get a no, not because that might not affect me, rather, it’s been so long since I’ve done anything that’s not a coping mech that I’ve nothing to loose interest it. The questionnaire I had though, would be good for monitoring changes in how depressed you are, if modified slightly, but once again, only on the short term. It’s the same with interpersonal relationships. It’s been so long since I’ve had one, and their are so many things unrelated to depression that can affect this, that it’s inaccurate at best.

What needs to be asked? though a leading question, it is important, “how long has it been since you have felt predominately happy?”. And the questionnaire given out needs to be tailored to the answer. If it’s only been a two or less months, give them the current questionnaire, otherwise you need a brand new questionnaire, because time does affect our ability to answer the questions.

And when your symptoms start going away, you shouldn’t be told “I think we should stop seeing each other” as my councilor essentially did. We were seeing each other every three weeks, and as it was a busy low stress time, and I let myself be led by her, rather then talking about what I wanted or needed to (I would forget, or we’d run out of time), and she just popped it on me, thinking that would be our last session. What I feel it should have been was, “I think we need to consider whether you are ready to stop counseling, and how to prepare you for that” and used the next few sessions for that. Which we kinda did, I have this small sheet of things I can do to keep myself healthy. But it’s not what I needed. Or at least, not what I think I need. I also didn’t need the pressure of deciding whether or not to book a new appointment each session, when I feel pressured to or not. I wish it would have been like I thought it would be, three to six more sessions (we spaced them one a month, could have spaced them out more), to see if I stay stable, to make sure I feel ready, and then reassess in the last session. I could have dealt with that (Actually Friday will be my last session, hopefully she’s right).

And, no matter what disorder it is, depression, anorexia, it should be treated like some one who’s in remission for cancer. The file shouldn’t close after three months, there should be check-ups, and monitoring, and emergency help available. When I went in originally for help, it took two weeks I think to get evaluated for where I should go to get treated (I went to the free gov. serves), Then my appointment was set a month after they decided where I should go. When I went in there I was in melt down mode. Struggling to do anything, and I had to wait almost two months for help. I worry about having to go through that again. I know others have to, and it’s not fair. Especially since many  mental illnesses are life long, or have high relapse rates.

reposibility and chores

Hi everyone. I want to write about a topic today, it might be hard to relate to my side.  And I know it will paint me as lazy, maybe selfish and stuff. But I hope that I will get my points across clearly so it doesn’t.

Growing up my mother never had a job, and never really kept the house clean, or assigned up chores. We did have chores at our dad’s, but weren’t ever there long enough for it to make a difference. As we got older my mother began to get upset because we didn’t keep our rooms clean, do dishes etc. And when your messy room is cleaner than the rest of the house, or you don’t have a proper storage space for your belongings you start to resent that, and well never clean up after yourself.

Truthfully, if there is a stay at home parent I do not think it should be the kids job to do any of the cleaning, except for the purpose of habit-forming and learning. Especially if the stay at home parent sits on their ass and watches TV all day, or plays on the computer or socializes. Which is what my mother did. Any chores that got done were assigned to my brother and I, which doesn’t mean that we always did them, but that they did get done. In spite of our asthma, or my brother’s allergies. (the dust from replacing cat litter for out 15 indoor cats always strongly triggered our asthma). If clothes were in our laundry bin for a year, beside the washer, it was our fault because [we exist and my mom cannot accept responsibility] we didn’t tell her. Same if the clothing was placed on the washer. “she didn’t know it was there.

I know my mother has at least on mental illness. So many of her actions are “caused” by them. But I cannot accept that to the extent that she let everything go, that it’s all mental illness. If it was just hoarding, that’d be one thing. but the blaming that went on, everything being my fault, or my responsibility. I cannot. Not when I’ve talked to other people who have it way worse for mental illness (like PTSD, DID, SI, ED) and they try to get better, rather than wallow in the problems. They work on doing something, rather than just sitting around doing nothing. And they don’t blame people for things they should have done. They also treat their mental illness once they know about it.

Besides from that, if you are at home, that is your job, taking care of the home. I’m not saying things should be spotless, that would be very hypocritical of myself (my room is a mess at this very moment). Assign the chores that you can’t get done to other family members. Don\t work yourself to the bone. But remember, while yes you do have a full-time job ( or two) taking care of the home, so does you possible spouse (if he/she doesn’t, tell them to get off their ass and get a job, or pitch in more), and any kids you have that are of school age. Especially kids of school age. Because school IS a full-time job, whether its elementary school, high school, or college. I know this is not the case for everyone, but when I was in high school, I went fairly academic, due to lack of alternative classes. Many of the science classes would give me at least one hour of homework a night, per class. same with the math. One semester I had math, biology, and chemistry. If I’d done the chemistry home work I would have had 5 hours of homework every night (I chose not to do it and just copy it from the back because I didn’t grasp the concepts and the teacher couldn’t help me understand it better… and she didn’t check the homework that often either). As it was I still have 4 hours, And I didn’t get home until 3:45-4pm, after taking the bus straight after school. So that puts away from home 7:40am- 3:45pm, homework from 4:30pm-8:30pm (if I remembered to do it, which I didn’t always, instead I’d do it in other classes). That leaves about 1.5 hours to do chores. Or relax. As someone who wasn’t in the habit of cleaning, yeah I’d choose relaxing over chores.

Now, living with my grandma, she has a little more room to complain, she keeps the house a little neater, she actually cooks supper, and washes the clothing unprompted (But then again I rarely have enough clothing to get washed on my own, else I’d pitch in there). And she works full-time. Which gains her a lot of ground. But when she expects me to help her clean the front room, or kitchen, beyond getting my stuff out of them, and collecting cans it annoys me. Because I’m not really allowed to have my things outside of my room (which is why it’s sooo messy, my room’s tiny and doesn’t have much space to organize everything). And because she will over react to the amount of stuff I have it those rooms. before I began to “live” in my room, She’d always be after me to get my books out of the front room and put them away, often it was like 5 book, once it was literally 1 book, she’s been going on and on about how my books were everywhere for a week, and I had one book in the front room (which is why it took me a week to do anything). She also judges how I do anything, so I’d cook more (and tried to, for a bit) but she’s constantly telling me to do [whatever I’m doing] differently. Or she gets upset when I don’t trust the milk, or something else we have.

I feel like, okay you want me to do more, tell me what you want me to do, a time frame (like “while I’m gone shopping”) and make sure I’m listening, and accept that I might forget and need reminded otherwise. (it’s a flaw of mine, tell me something while I’m reading, or if I have to switch my concentration too many times and I will forget (getting ready for the bus, to the bus, then through school, I’m going to forget to pick up the butter there’s at least 5 big things I’m focused on with countless other little things, and reading time).). And be consistent. You hear that advice on TV, in magazines, etc, all the time. It’s true, when you are not used to doing something, You Do NOT Think About It. While I should, I do not associate dishes being in the dishwasher meaning I should put them away (they may be dirty), or if it’s in a different spot (it moves). If it was mostly, or always done at a specific time, If I was reminded to do it when I’m not concentrating on something else, then I’d be more likely to do it. Rather then doing it occasionally and getting yelled at every few months for forgetting to. Not to say I shouldn’t try to (I do, but I’m more forgetful than the average person IMOP), or that she shouldn’t get mad at me for not putting them away.

Also people need to be clear in their expectations, things should be divided up evenly given consideration to all factors. Like age, gender, and knowledge on how to clean/cook, and free time. I say age, because if you are young you are probably be able to do more then an older person, maybe stronger as well. I say gender because truthfully, most guys are stronger than me, a female. So yeah, I’m getting the guy to mow the lawn, and I’ll take washing the dishes, type of thing, where strength may matter. Not due to actual gender stereotypes. rather personal experience.


I feel like sharing some poetry I’ve written in the past, be warned though, that most of my poetry is very depression inspired, so very sad. ‘condensed’ to save space.

I wanted to cry everything hurt so much,  / Everything hurt so much.

I didn’t know what to say  / I didn’t know what to do.

I’d forgotten how to cry / I’d forgotten how to live  / I’d forgotten how to die

I wanted to cry/ But I didn’t know how,

Which made me feel worse,  / Yet made me feel strong,  / It made me weak all at the same time.

I wanted to cry / And I don’t know why.

Things are so bad  / Yet they are so good.  / I hurt in side I can’t let it go,

even though life is good,  / better then it was,

still I wanna cry  / but I don’t know why.

Either way I’m crying on the inside  / I don’t know where to go,  / where should I go;

follow my dreams,  / hold them in, hold them back.

don’t know how to get there  / make the choices I need

there is no one to help/ no one who can see me

at least not beyond the masks I hide behind


sit alone outside,  / watching you through the window clear.

I sit across the river wide,  / no way to join, no way to be near

I sit alone and hide  / watching full of fear.

not willfully, not of my choice, or need.  / but of your choice, to make me feel

unwanted, unneeded, and unworthy.  / always excluded, shunned from the fun, games and adventures.

I want to be included, to be a part of the whole, the picture . / I’ve missed out on so much

I want to miss out no more.

Website replies

hey everyone, thanks for reading this, following my blog, and liking my posts. I’d like to make one small request. More feedback please. Instead of just liking it, if you can please comment on it as well. I’m not going to get upset if you don’t though.

You know what gets annoying. Contacting large businesses with legitimate complaints, or suggestions, and having  them brushed off. For example, back in 2009 I pre-ordered a book well in advance. It was not shipped in a timely manner. So after two weeks (the 25th of november, the book came out on the 9th) I contacted the company I ordered it from. They shipped it the day they replied. I got the shipping confirmation just minutes before they responded. Instead of saying that they had responded to my complaint, and my book was on it’s way, they replied that my book had been shipped and they were sorry for any inconvenience. It was so formal, not personal at all. And all the responded I get are like that. Half of them ignore my issue. Like my bank I tell them that I find their display of information confusing, and that it caused me issues until I figured it out. The response, telling me what I’ve already figured out. Another time I sent a scathing complaint to Kobo, because they don’t have a shopping cart function on their site, and require you to purchase each book separately. (which has caused me to accidentally go over my free transaction limits for my bank account.) They were just like “oh, no we don’t have that feature.” I don’t have the email anymore so I can’t say more then that. But I still can’t believe how nonchalant and impersonal the reply was. I mean I understand that they need to watch what they say, for liability reasons. But they also need to be less formal, more emotion in the reply (which I know is hard to do.). Otherwise they will lose customers. The only personal responses I’ve ever gotten was from small internet based companies. Like GOG, I bought a game their, and it started to crash. I found the solution online, and contacted them so they could update their support page. The responses I got from them didn’t feel like they’d been c/p’ed out of a standard reply file, yet were very professional. It made me like and trust that company more. Where as the responses from every other company has made me trust them less, because it feels like they don’t have the customer in mind, rather the bottom line and liability.