My Sexuality (and How it Affects Me)

Before I write about my perception of Asexuality I need to write about how I identify within the spectrum. I am very open and it might not be needed for reading the next blog post, so feel free to skip this.


Asexual flag

Asexual flag (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


I publicly identify as an Asexual Aromantic (ace, and aro). With the emphasis on aromantic. I also have a high libido, and have been reading romance books and porn since I was like 13. Of my own volition, free will, desire.  Because of this I resisted identifying as asexual, until I heard about aromantics. Even now, I think if I were not aromantic I’d probably be demi-asexual. Because I feel that I would probably form sexual attraction if I could feel romantic attraction. That if I formed a strong emotional connection to my partner I might come to desire him/her sexually. I do not know whether I’d be hetro-romantic bi-romantic or homo-romantic though. (if I had to guess I’d probably ID as bi, I just cannot see myself as a heterosexual/romantic) .  As it is, if I could find some one I feel safe enough with, I would be curious to experiment with sex, since I’m curious about it, in spite of the fact that I’ve no desire to have sex with a specific person (the difference is my brain goes “wonder what it would feel if it were some one else hand etc not ___”, rather then “I really want to have sex/kiss/etc ___” curiosity sucks)


This has caused many other asexuals (usually referred to as asexual elitism) to tell me I am not an asexual, because I do not fit their personal definition of asexual (or aromantic). Because I do not fit many of the stereotypes. So while I identify as ace I often find that I don’t fit in with any group, because when I’m around “sexuals” I get told I need to date and have sex, despite the fact that I’ve no desire to do so. Nor do I think it would be fair for me to date another person, as I’d feel like I was lying to them. When I’m online talking to asexuals I do not find that I can associate with a lot of their experiences, or there will be a lot of elitists  and I get bashed for being true to myself, and being open about who I am. But then again, being who I am, I don’t find that I identify with people, without considering sexuality. I’m a very ‘narrow’ life and it doesn’t usually include things most people are interested in, or what they want to talk about (I read, play computer games, and play singing games on my xbox.). I generally don’t watch TV, in fact I’ve found many of the things my room-mates (having recently moved) watch obnoxious, and I just want to tell them to change the channel.




4 comments on “My Sexuality (and How it Affects Me)

  1. Thank you for linking to my article. I relate to wondering what sexual activities would feel like without desiring a specific person with whom to experience those things. There is much variety in the ways we as humans experience our sexuality, and it’s all beautiful.

  2. Pingback: My Soul Urge (also known as my “Heart’s Desire”). « Born This Way

  3. Thank-you for linking to my blog post- I just read your post and felt like someone was in my brain (high libido, ace, aro) I totally see where you are coming from. On every level you have written.

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