vulnerable

I am vulnerable. I admit it, I try to fix it but it’s the truth. I do not like to argue. I’ve done so too much in the past. So I walk away from arguments, I refuse to participate. But that makes people get more aggressive or think that you admit that you are wrong. It makes them feel more powerful. I do not have a way with words (out side of writing them down), my brain has to focus too much on containing my emotions, so I don’t scream, cry or yell out the wrong shit. It also differs because I cannot argue every point because I cannot remember them. People do not prove their points yet expect me to prove mine. I find out their lies but cannot confront them without causing drama I’m supposed to avoid. This all makes me vulnerable. Other people cause the problems but I am supposed to fix them, let it go, or compromise (with me the looser). I accept responsibility, we can argue whether or not I take enough, too much, or not. But I do so in way many people I know don’t. I do not shirk my financial obligations, or things I feel obligated to do. Even if I don’t want to. While I wouldn’t marry some one out of obligation, it is a spot I’m vulnerable at. Because I’ve known too many people who aren’t responsible, and that shaped me to be honorable. But honor leads to vulnerability you cannot be completely honorable without getting taken advantage of. People can also hid who they are, So I sometimes trust the wrong people until it’s too late and I am taken advantage of (say house sitting when I don’t want to, or moving in with another person). I do not lie without reason. I may avoid mentioning something (like admitting to using my mp3 player when caught but not my cellphone at work), but that happens as rarely as a lie. It leaves me vulnerable because people still believe I lie, or for example accuse me of stealing and it upsets me. I do not lie, there is no proof of any wrong doing, yet people feel the to accuse me of doing so.

 

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