So, I wrote this months ago, on another site. I thought I’d posted it here, and I am posting it here so I don’t loose it. The topic was about where entitlement and privilege start.
So, now my thoughts. They are mostly subjective, based on those I’ve experienced, and all the random articles I’ve read. I truthfully think that, yeah the way we raise our children is one of this biggest factors in forming a persons entitlement. But some times it’s also a balancing game (like if you always stop your kids from fighting over a toy, and choose the “you need to share time” then three ideas might form, one that if someone wants something you have to give it to them, second that if someone doesn’t share they are bad, and third that people need to give you what ever you want. If you take the time to teach your children that sometimes you need to share (like not hog the toys), but the person who has it first (or owns it) has the right not to share/play by themselves, you will teach that sharing is important but so is respecting boundaries/another person’s wishes). Other times it’s not, like with my mom I had to give her my change from my lunch money, but my brother didn’t (taught favoritism, sexism, and played into my brother’s level of entitlement).
I think this is also part of how you can raise two children in one household and get completely different people. With each child getting different treatment (when not actually based on their personalities), they are taught different things. Or the message they receive from certain incidences are different. between siblings. Like when my older and bigger brother “accidentally” jump kicked me in the stomach.(I don’t think it was an accident) All my brother had to do was apologize. And even though I was still in pain, and upset at the incident I was forced to accept his apology. I got yelled at for not accepting it. (okay he did get yelled at too.). where as, once when I was really upset and sent to my room I released that emotion by swinging a heavy board on my bed. It slipped out of my hands and broke a ceiling fan. I got in a lot more trouble (even though I was only 7 or 8 at the time). (parent view, I threw a temper tantrum, and broke stuff. My view. These items should not have been in my room, especially since the ceiling fan was on the floor or near it; so while I was wrong to swing the board around, I wasn’t screaming, but I needed to get my emotions out. And I wasn’t old enough or in the right state of mind to think of the consequences. And when faced with the consequences I was extremely upset at myself, and extremely sorry.). My punishment was more severe. I was kept in my room until my brother reminded my mom we needed supper (I think I might have fallen asleep, since hours seemed to pass fast, and I didn’t have much to do in my room). Then she made food I hate, even though I told her. (her excuse was because of the time. french toast takes just as long or longer then hashbrowns).
These incidents taught me that, a) I hate being forced to forgive anyone anything (and I refuse to, even to diffuse a tough situation) b) my brother wasn’t (held) responsible for his actions. c) my mom doesn’t care about me. d) I’m worth less then [insert object/pet/person of choice e) If I do something wrong (even if it’s by accident) I will get into a lot trouble). f) my pain/emotions/preferences aren’t important. Not that these are the only incidents that taught me this, but it’s just one of the clearest examples.
What my brother might have learned. a) saying sorry will fix anything b) sister isn’t important c) he can ask for things that his sister won’t get (this one is frequently backed up with stronger proof). d) saying it wasn’t on purpose makes things better, and you’ll get in less trouble (if any at all).
Of course I’m very biased on this, since my brother was the favored kid, and I wasn’t.